Hey! I’m your Facebook friend from back home or something. You don’t remember how you know me, but you always see me in your feed and, judging by my posts, I am completely unburdened by the world’s problems.
My life is just great. You wish you had it this good.
Why am I like this? So happy-go-lucky? So constantly on Facebook? The simple fact is I am blissfully ignorant of any suffering in the world. My world exists within a one mile radius and that’s the way I like it. I heard through the grapevine that Donald Trump did something vaguely bad, but I have no idea what it was because I don’t watch the news or give a shit at all.
Hey, check out this cute video of a cat. You have already seen it. It went super viral nine months ago but I am only just now seeing it somehow.
My life rules, dude. I have a spouse that I met when I was 19, and we have loving children. I have a family. I’m 27 years old. Did you even know that was possible?
I gotta start watching some of these shows everyone’s talking about. Breaking Bad, and what’s the other one? Hangover? I literally am so far removed from pop culture that I have never seen an episode of Breaking Bad. My job is amazing and I love my fucking life.
The other day I showed my friend the Chewbacca Mom video and we both laughed so hard. We loved it. Remember that? When was that popular, like two years ago? I just saw it for the first time yesterday. Can you even begin to fathom how that is possible?
I cant get enough of those Tasty vids, either. I share each one. Man, does that food look good!
Another thing about me is that I love videos where contestants on the television show The Voice or whatever are good singers. It shocks me every time. I always share those videos and then tag my spouse in them instead of just texting them or showing them in person. Who cares? You? Why?
Can I show you something I really love?
Haha! Isnt that terrific? I dont give a shit about anything.
You can scour my Facebook page all you want to see where my beliefs lie politically but you wont find anything. What you will find though, is that recently my cell phone broke so if you needed to reach me, youd have to do it through Facebook. How wild is that? Everybody I ever thought would need to contact me is right here on Facebook. Damn dude. My life is so great.
I just uploaded a picture of me just standing in front of my car wearing a coat. That’s all there is to it. Do you think I put any thought into it at all? Not a chance. I already forgot I posted it.
Hey while I have you here, I just wanted to tell you that I took a quiz online and got sorted into Gryffindor.
Welp, have a good one.
Thanks for reading Mashable Humor: original comedy every day. Or most days. We’re people, just like you, and we’re trying our best.